TGIF, or What's up with Anxiety?

It's Friday technically, but really it's my Sunday. Beginning stages of starting my business are going well; things are moving forward and I'm doing my darndest to not get in the way, not put on the brakes. It's a process, a learning process. I'm taking little steps every day, kind of going with the flow. No pressure, or at least I'm trying to avoid pressure. I've been stuck in a Hermit phase in my life for the last 12 years. Finally ready to get the heck out of the rut, step fully into my life and my goals. Moving from a dream state into reality. It might be easy to fall back into that victim role, that "woe is me" crap that I've been dragging around like a boulder. BUT I'm determined to NOT slip. The only thing holding me back is my own ego, trying to keep me "safe". But how boring is that? "Safe"? It's self sabotage.

I've been stuck between fear of failure & fear of success for so long that it felt normal to be stagnant. Oh, I've been making forward progress over the last 12 years, don't get me wrong. I've done a lot, seen a lot, been many places, met many people. I've accomplished goals and I've grown. But I haven't been living my dream. And why the heck not? Simply because it's been "safer" to be in my own little haven of known errors & little risks. That haven comes with a familiar anxiety. The more comfortable that haven becomes, the more normal the anxiety becomes. The more normal that anxiety is, the easier it it is to ignore the fact that I'm holding myself back. Boom. And here I am, stepping into the unknown. I've gotten over the fear of success/fear of failure (mostly) just by charging right on through that wall. Yay for me! Yes? Yes!

But get this, now I have this fear of "The Unknown" (use your big, booming, Monty Python voice). So, anxiety. Yes. Stepping out into the unknown brings it's own form of anxiety. Just today I was messing around with my new website, trying to fix some glitches. Checking out google for my site's name, etc. I found someone in another part of the country with a similar business name to mine. Instant anxiety. "Oh, crap. Someone else is doing what I've been wanting to do. What I am doing. Am I too late? Should I keep moving forward? Am I going in the right direction?" All these little niggling doubts and fears. Damn ego, anyway.

I've been wanting to use the Aleister Crowley Thoth deck for some time -probably since I started reading tarot 23 years ago. I've put it off probably out of some perceived feeling of intimidation, probably a little laziness. Finally, I've decided, what the heck. Why not step into this new deck while I'm trying other new paths. It's just time. I've signed on for a couple classes with Mo Abdelbaki at the Shining Lotus metaphysical store, just to get an introduction into the deck from a master. (Remind me to post about this later.) I'm can read with any Waite-Smith inspired tarot deck, any oracle deck; why wouldn't I be able to read with something completely different? I'm always telling my kids that the way to get better at something is to do it more. Practice makes perfect! Well, the only way I'm going to get used to reading with this deck is to just do it. Crashing through more walls? Sign me up!

Last week, Mo said, "You're gonna love this deck. You may never go back." Only time will tell how that pans out. Mo extolled the decks virtues of being extremely accurate and right to the point. If you know me, you know I like my readings to go just like that. No messing around, tell me the truth. I also believe that the magic is in the reader, not necessarily the images on a deck of cardstock.

Feeling all of that anxiety earlier, I wondered what would the Thoth tell me. I'd normally pull out The Wild Unknown, or even The Darkana Tarot as of late. No better time than the present to start with the Thoth. Here's the result today. The Two of Swords and The Prince of Wands.

My immediate thought was yes, I'm doing it right and keep going. Upon closer inspection, I see that in the background of Two of Swords are what look like four pinwheels. Things are working like clockwork, moving right along smoothly. It's balanced and organized. But I also see this as my anxiety. The swords in the foreground are symbolic of my ego/fear trying to protect myself from the activity going on in the background. Everything is happening as it's supposed to and exactly the right timing; it's my fear that keeps me from opening fully to that potential.

The Prince of Wands looks similar to The Chariot in a traditional RWS deck, except the chariot is in motion & there's only one beast pulling. Here I see my passion for tarot in motion. I am moving forward, albeit pulling to one side because the lion is off center to the chariot. It's moving forward smoothly but I'm letting the lion (my passion) pull the cart wherever it desires. I have reigns draped over my left hand wrist, my hand open-not the best way to steer a charging lion, but does anyone really have control of their lives? All we can do is our best and move forward with our best intentions and with passion! The open left hand is symbolic of being receptive to intuition. Interesting that the front of the chariot looks like a miniature city of skyscrapers. Driving industry (my business). So much energy in this card compared to the one on the left!

So, there you have it. Am I on the right path? Yes. Keep plowing through my fears to move forward. It's happening anyway, why not get out of the way. Help it along instead of trying to throw a wrench (or two swords) in the works. Use my passion to fuel the journey. Yes.

- Tarot on the Go: Have Cards, Will Travel!

A 10 of wands kind of moment turned chariot turned manifestation or ...?

Standing in line at the high school, waiting & waiting to register my 12th grader for senior year. It seems an uphill climb, 30 people deep. What can I accomplish while I stand here? Blog post! Start a FB account for my business? Draw a card & post on Instagram. Turn it into a Chariot moment.

All of the previous "stations" have been easy with no lines. This 6th station is for the nurse & all of her paperwork. Literally, this wait is on a ramp, the 10 of Wands epitomized it seems. Instead of looking at it like it's a chore, I'm going to take the time to chill with my daughter; these moments will become fewer and fewer as the year goes by. Taking charge here, with what I've got to work with instead of complaining about something over which I have no control really.

Finally finished with that line, we've moved on to the next to the last station. The next hallway has 4 tables on the right, spread out evenly, one for each grade level counselor. On the left, along the lockers, are people sitting in folding chairs waiting. Thinking that they are all waiting in front of their respective tables, we've walked toward the front of the line, near the senior counselor's table. Wait, what? ALL of those people are waiting for the senior counselor??! Dang. All the way back down the hall we go, to the end of the line. I kid you not, this line is 100 feet long. Well, maybe 60, but still. Thus starts the second hour of our time at registration.

Ok, so we've been waiting for 30 minutes and the line is inching along, literally -probably 10 feet. My god, we'll be here all freaking day at this rate. They seriously need to get some people to help that solo counselor with this line. My guess is that it takes longer for the senior registration because they not only have to ok their schedule, they have to make sure that they've got the correct credits needed for graduation. They also have to read and sign the senior contract which ensures that each child knows what they need to do to graduate and acknowledges that they understand the requirements of participating in commencement (92% attendance, I think, which comes out to no more than 13 absences in the the 9 month school year.) I can only imagine this takes so much time because so many of the kids need to change their schedules. What the heck else can it be? This day is for last names starting with A-L or something, the beginning of the alphabet. Are there that many seniors with those letters? Is it that the beginning of the day had shorter lines and this is what happens when kids don't wake up early? (or registration, like school start time, is scheduled unnatural to teens' circadian rhythms?) I don't know. It's hot as cuss with no A/C. So thankful that the littles are old enough to not have to bring them along to these things. I feel for the moms who have babies & toddlers in tow.

Wanting to see exactly what the heck is going on, I pulled a card from The Wild Unknown tarot.

Aha, the 5 of Swords. In a traditional RWS deck this would be a card indicating to cut one's losses. Just pick your battle & let go. However, my first thought was, "The line is going to be cut in half". My second thought was, "Ha!" lol. 

BUT, once again this deck doesn't pussyfoot around the truth. Within minutes, all of the counselors have been pulled from the other grades' tables and are now helping with the senior counselor's line. 

We were finished in about 10 minutes and on to the final stop at the ID picture booth where there was one person in front of us. Woo hoo! Was it manifestation? Was it "fortune telling"? I don't care. The important thing is that, once more, this deck was more accurate than I could have imagined. 

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Card of the Day for my daughter

Sitting at our favourite tattoo & piercing parlour -Phantom 8- my daughter and I waited for her turn to be pierced. I shuffled the cards and asked her to draw one. She asked something to the effect of, "What will tomorrow be like?"







She drew "death" from The Wild Unknown Tarot  -my frequent "go-to" deck. All of the imagery is graphic, stark, intuitive. I love that I can look at one way & see symbolism pertinent to a reading, or look at it from a different perspective & the light/shadow of the design leads my eyes to see something totally different yet meaningful. Further, if I take a snap with my camera, I will see yet another perspective. Love it!



Well, here is another example of the tarot giving the querent exactly what they asked for. Death in tarot is rarely indicative of an actual, physical death. More likely, it symbolizes a transformation of some sort. Quite literally, my daughter was at that moment in time going through a "death", a transformation. She was getting a piercing -altering her body, "transforming" so to speak. The reading didn't necessarily correspond with the next day, but what was on her mind in that moment. The card, of course, would be appropriate for the following day, but it really was an "in the moment " reading. My daughters all kind of poo poo my interest in the mystical; I can only hope that because their readings are usually spot on, that they will one day come around to thinking of tarot & divination as being more than just, "oh, mom's doing 'her thing' again."

Manifesting and as the world turns

One of the assignments for the Going Pro class that I'm taking is to write a bio for myself. I started mine in June and realized that I hadn't finished it yet. It's also something that I have to do for Biddy Tarot for the Reader's Network, which I've signed up to do for at least three months. So I sat down this afternoon to finish writing my bio. I have to make it more concise because what I wrote out was fairly comprehensive from childhood until now. What I realize is that I've been manifesting my goals & my life for as long as I can remember -long before The Secret was popular.

My earliest memory of manifestation was in elementary school and it was huge. Some might scoff and call it coincidence. I'm not convinced. When I was young, my family lived in a small town in W. PA. From a clearing above our house, I could see a distant church steeple that was lit at night. I imagined that it was a castle. And I wished on a star many nights that we could live there. Even at that age, I was a believer in Spirit and angels, and conversed with such. I did it nightly. "Star light, star bright, first start I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight." It was a ritual that completed my bedtime routine for many years. So I wished that we could move there. The summer before 4th grade, my family moved -much to my chagrin. New school, new friends, all that scary stuff. BUT it had a nugget of sweetness: we moved right beside that same church that I had wished for all those years. Yes, it could be coincidence. But out of all the places we could have moved to in that town (or outside the town, or any surrounding towns), why that particular location?? This move fueled my interest in Catholicism, Marianism, and later goddess studies, ritual, and further seeking -as seekers will do.

The bio I wrote pertains mostly to my interest in the metaphysical realm and my subsequent experiences and certifications over the years. On a "down" day, it can be very easy for me to think that I've done "nothing" with my life, or to think that my life has been stagnant the last few years. I was raised to think of "success" as something with a monetary reward and definitely associated with a 9 to 5 job. But as I read over my list of accomplishments and goals achieved since my 20s, I can see that though the journey has seemed to take a long time, I really haven't been treading water. I've been making strides slowly but surely toward my ultimate goal of reading tarot cards professionally. I'm in the beginning stages of earning money as a reader, but I've been successful in manifesting up to this point. From classes to certifications, to conventions, to finding my "tribe". It all fits together in a bigger picture. I've had to redefine what success means to me. I've had to view bumps in the road as opportunities for growth instead of setbacks in my journey.

I also have to write a resume. It will read something like this: 1994 -beginning tarot course at Community College of Allegheny County, continuing ed. Psychometry also at CCAC, continuing ed. I don't remember the tarot instructor's name other than Eileen. And the gentleman who taught psychometry is a total blank to me now.

Fast forward to 2010, I became a member of the Denver Tarot Meetup, one of the largest tarot communities in the world. In 2011, I started a weekly mentoring program with Fredda Laurel in which a small group of students gathered to learn more about psychic development and other metaphysical topics such as chakras, auras pendulums, etc. It was a great way to be re-introduced to subjects that I have had experience with but have had little training or dedicated practice. I also started taking classes through The Aspen Program for Psychic Development around this time. I finished three certificates through The Aspen Program: Psychic Mediumship, Medical Intuition, and Psychic Studies. The program was comprehensive & thorough & challenged me beyond my comfort zone. I'd recommend it to anyone who has in interest in developing their psychic abilities.

I've also been certified in Reiki I & II through Karen Fox at the Aspen Program; Reiki I through Tami Harms; Kundalini Reiki through Judith Wade; Reiki I (& finishing Reiki II) with Joy Vernon. It's not necessary to be certified multiple times, but I wanted to experience different methods of Reiki -from Western to traditional Japanese. In October, I'll be certified as a Reiki Master from Lisa Guyman; can't wait! What can I say, I'm a seeker.

I've done tarot certifications with Biddy Tarot & angel card reading certification with Doreen Virtue. I've taken tarot courses with Joy Vernon, Sherry Shone, and Katrina Wynne. I've taken some psychic development classes with Charles Cox. I've done a psychic business development course with Marcia Stanfield and, as I've mentioned before, I'm taking a professional tarot business development course with Joy Vernon. I'm considering doing a tarot business retreat with The Tarot Lady, Theresa Reed.

The Denver Tarot meetups have nearly weekly educational offerings as well as tarot socials on the weekends. What else? Hmmmmm. I've attended workshops at TarotCon Dallas 2014 and TarotCon Denver 2015.

I'm also a member of the Tarosophy Tarot Association, Tarot of the British Isles (TABI), American Tarot Association (ATA), and The Biddy Tarot Network of Readers.

I can't think of anything else. I'm interested in expanding my knowledge of astrology in order to add another dimension to my readings. And I'm taking a Thoth class with Mo Abdelbaki later this month that I'm super excited about (more on that later).

Clearly, I've been busy fueling my passion for the metaphysical. (After graduating from the University of Colorado -Boulder and more recently from cosmetology school, both goals that I had wanted to accomplish.) Loads of education. Time to put it to work for me. I had a short reading from Marcus Katz at TarotCon Dallas last year. He said to me: "Everything you need to know is inside of you. You have all the answers." Not the first time I've heard this; nothing earth shattering was revealed. But I suppose the phrase is true. Being a seeker, I could literally keep searching for more knowledge for the rest of my life. I'm not saying I would ever stop learning, but at some point, I have to say, time to hang my shingle. And so it is.

Mini reading for O

I'm conducting what I have deemed a "social media experiment". Calling it an experiment helps to alleviate my self imposed pressure to write a "perfect" blogpost. Or a perfect Instagram post. I'm posting a snippet on Instagram and then posting a more in depth analysis here. I oftentimes find myself paralyzed by fear of failure/success -two sides of the same coin. My hope is that this "experiment" will prod me to step out beyond my tarot comfort zone (read: inside my house, literally & figuratively.) For this experiment, I will be using the Darkana Tarot.

Today's two card draw is for O. O asked, "How can I finish paying for the 'dream suite'?" This question pertains to the 3DS game Animal Crossing. Such is the depth of an on the spot request for a question from a youthful gamer.




O drew The Sun. Here we can see a black cat and a Siberian husky puppy frolicking under a radiating sun. When I read tarot, the answer is often concise and doesn't necessitate interpretation of twenty different symbols. This reading is exemplary of that brevity. Clearly, O's reading suggests that in order for the 'dream suite' to be paid off, O must continue to play. Pretty simple, yes? And in all likelihood, exactly what needs to happen in the course of a video game.

I also considered the card at the bottom of the deck during this reading. The King of Wands suggests that O is quite passionate about this gaming goal, or maybe just gaming in particular. Interestingly, yes, O is very passionate about gaming, & in particular Animal Crossing at this time. O pursues this interest with almost a single minded passion. Hence, the issue at the bottom of the question points to someone who is extremely knowledgeable & dedicated to a particular interest.

In a nutshell, this reading is right on & I didn't even need to analyze more than just the face value of the cards. Granted, the question was fairly shallow & therefore the answer wasn't deep. No need for that here. I love that about the tarot: it gives back exactly what is needed & what is put into it.


Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:S Holly St,Denver,United States

Blue Moon Revelation

So, getting ready for work this morning, I was thinking about how this "job" is less than ideal & has been since I started 9 years ago. Nine years!! That's a long time to stay at a job that I don't like. My next thought turned to tarot & my desire to get my biz up & running officially, loud & proud. I guess what I'm doing with this blue moon energy is bringing in the new (tarot biz) & releasing the old (j.o.b.). Taking it one step further, acknowledging that where my attention goes, energy flows. Putting more attention into tarot -and specifically Tarot on the Go- is my course of action. Even if I only take one small step every day, that's further ahead than where I was yesterday.

My plan for today is to put action behind my business name. Put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. Walk the walk? Walk the talk? (Insert cliched motivational phrase here) Tarot on the Go: Have Cards will Travel. Hmmm, what about that? Just because I haven't found a location to read regularly, doesn't mean I can't take my show on the road. I mean, my business is "on the go". Tarot is portable. My business is portable. I can take it ANYWHERE. Henceforth, I am taking my tarot out of my house & out into the wide world...ANYWHERE...EVERYWHERE! Tarot on the Go!! Heck yeah! Energized, excited, & raring to go! This is my first official "on the go" blog post. Literally, in my car on my way to the Ren Fest. Putting technology to work for me: Work smarter not harder, right?! Let's do this!

I'm a big fan of jumper cards having a message that the cards really want to get across to the querent. As I was shuffling my Wild Unknown deck to find out what I need to know for my business ideas today, our jumped this card: The Wheel of Fortune. Looks a little like a dream catcher. There's an owl, symbol of wisdom up in the left corner. The moon, symbolic of intuition, in the top right. The sun at the bottom, which can symbolize bringing something to light. (Or is that a tunnel of focus with light at the end??) Many colorful threads interlaced on the hoop -ideas & energies random yet cyclical. The stars I often take to be representative of guides or ancestors. Finally, the number 10: fulfillment or completion. If you ask me, this is an auspicious card to hop out at me today!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

trying to make an online presence in the metaphysical world

I've been taking classes with Joy Vernon for the past couple years. I've done Usui Reiki I & II, as well a beginners course in tarot (when I realized that after 20 years reading, I couldn't really call myself a beginner), called The Magician's Tools. Most recently I've been attending her tarot business class called "The Empyrean Key/Going Pro". I've gained valuable knowledge about the things I need to do to take my tarot reading practice out of my home and into the wider world. One of the very first items on our to-do list was to start to make a larger presence online. I've been taking baby steps in all stages of this course, this elementary requirement included. I admit, I haven't posted regularly here since this assignment in May. Indeed, I might have now 4 posts up on this blog.

Well, today I decided that if I am to really get off the ground in this professional reading business, I have to put in the real effort needed to move forward. I've spent the better part of this afternoon trying to sort out why I couldn't access any of my blogs. I very nearly packed it in & and considered moving to a different platform. I persevered, however, because I have another blog on blogger which as been online since 2005. I didn't want to just close up shop, lose all that effort, and move to wordpress (that I don't really enjoy using). Finally, I was able to sort out the problem. Clearly user error. After all that time spent, however, I now have to leave the blogosphere for the next few hours. I have a Thursday night belly dance class with Rafi'ah that I don't want to miss. So much for posting about my divination adventures today. They were rather mundane -just taking care of (my) business ;)  Later!